Today was my first day of Senior year. In less than a year i'll be done; no more Prosser, no more high school, no more immature drama....no more small town hangouts, no more well known faces, or loving teachers. No more of the life i know.
Bittersweet.
It's awesome to know that this year will just slide by, since i've already gotten over the hardest part. It's amazing to know that i've made it this far. It's great to know that in less than a year i'll be out of here, in a place where i can finally really be me. It's beautiful to know, soon my future will trully begin....
It's frightening to think that soon i'll be jumping into a world i've never known. It's sad to know that i eventually, i will no longer see the familiar faces i grew up with. It's depressing to know that my final year is missing so many special people who i always thought i'd be sharing this time with. It's heartbreaking to think that once i'm gone, the teachers who changed me so much may not remember me.
It's a battle of emotions within my heart. Excitement to reach my dreams, but fear of forgetting or being forgotten. This has always been my greatest fear. I do not fear death, or bad luck, or spiders....i fear the word 'forget.' i fear that this final year will bring forth the action of this word, and that soon things, people, and events will not be remembered.
I also fear, that my final year will not be what i wished it to be. It's my senior year! Being advanced in some subjects, i do not have to take hard classes, or any classes i didnt want to take. I had a great schedule planned for this year; the best part being a TA for one of my favorite teachers. All summer i looked forward to this particular class, knowing i got along amazingly with the teacher, and that i would be helping during a class i had previously taken and happen to be the best english class i'd had....but today i came to find i could no longer do it. you could imagine the great disappointment it was to me, and the extreme irritation is brought to throw this piece of news on top of the other annoying conflicts i was already having. So much for an awesome first day. Apart from all this, i'm dealing with that fact that many people i believed i would be sharing this final year with, i am not. some having drifted apart over the last year or two, others having moved or changed schools...its completely heartbreaking. If this first day is a foreshadow of what is to come of this year, then i pray that it goes by fast, without even the slightest of notice from me.
But in the end, i would be lying if i said that the end of my senior year will not bring forth tremendous tears, because i know that saying goodbye is one of life's hardest tasks.
Its the beginning of the end. So bittersweet.
"Waves of memories crashing at my feet,
I wouldn't trade them for anything.
But the road ahead is a page unread... "
