It's a sad thing when nothing feels right in the place that should be home; when the people in it aren't the ones you trust or make you happy and it suddenly feels like paining memories overtake the joyous ones here...it's a sad thing when the place that should be home doesn't feel like home.
And then again maybe i have no right to complain. I've had a good life, in a way. I have a family, a roof over my head, education, and luxury to some extent. But luxury can't fix the problems under that roof. Yes, i have a family...with sisters who only seem to see the negative parts of me, and can't help but be self-centered often times; and with parents who have been married over 20 years, but to me, i don't see how they've lasted that long.
And yes, education is important and i have been a very good student for as long as i can remember...but success in school has only blinded my parents for my expectations. They want from me a career that will allow me to care for myself, earn a living with luxury, while still showing my "smarts." They still do not know that i desire a life of music. They don't see it as a sensible career... Money means little to me if it means i can have music.
And my sisters...will thats always been a struggle. When i was younger, my mother spoiled me a lot, me being the youngest. Constant teasing, annoyed stares, and remarks made me question if my sisters hated me. It seemed like they shared everything with each other, and i knew nothing about their life outside of this house. Eventually, i was able to let go of this belief and thought that now that i was growing they were finally coming closer. Recently, old thoughts have returned....maybe things never changed. Maybe they just seemed like that because one of them left for 4 years. Let me just say, it saddens me to know that i've never felt a comfort around them that allowed to open up to then and let them know me...its sad to know my family might be the people in my life that know me the least.
And again, i wonder, do i have a right to complain? People out there are in worst conditions than i am. There are people with no families, without a house, no education, or living in poverty...i can honestly say, i don't know if have a right to these words. My heart pains and yearns, but i have not lacked the items of a good life.
I guess, we all lack on some way...We are all in poverty to some extent.
"No I'm am not where I belong,
So shine a light and guide me back home."
-C&C
