So I've experienced quite a number of things since I've last posted. I'll probably come back and write about it later, but for now a quick run through. For starters, the very same day I posted that last post, talking about how I wanted junior back in my life, I had a talk with my friend Anthony(who happens to be juniors best friend). To make it short, junior was brought up, there was an argument, and then I realized that I really needed to let junior go. It was a painful night, the things Anthony told me broke me, but my eyes were opened. But this wasn't my only eye opening moment. About 5-4 weeks ago I went to Boise, ID with the teenagers from church and spent time with the Church in Boise. And for the first time in two years I got that feeling, that feeling I used to get when i went to church retreats, that feeling of being refreshed....peace and calm. My dream has always been California, to get there and do music. And for the first time in my life, I considered a different option. I've chosen to apply to Boise State U. California is still my first choice, but I've also seen that maybe being around the Church in Boise isn't a terrible idea. Apart from this, I think I'm finally kicking the habit. Self injury was starting to become a habit. I currently have marks that won't be going away for a while. And suddenly I had this moment, the weekend right after Boise, when I realized I needed to move forward. I am a child of God and He has given me a gift. He had given me life, hope, and love, and who am I to disgrace that? Also, for the first time I confessed it to someone. My friend Francisco and I had a personal moment, in which he told me one of his deepest secret.... And so I showed him my wrist. The look on his face was shock and sadness. I told him I didn't do it anymore, which wasn't exactly true. Just the week before had been my last cut. But as soon as I said it, I knew I wanted it to be true. I want to honestly say I don't do it anymore. And so I haven't in about a month now. So I've been through quite a bit in the last weeks, BUT that is not what I am here for. I am here to write about the last few days, which have been....insane, I guess you could say!
So my history teacher is Mr. Dillahunt. And he is the BEST teacher I've ever had. Mad respect for that guy!!!! I probably wouldn't have made it through AP US History last year if he hadn't been my teacher.lol but anyways, I ended up having him as teacher this year again, and have gotten along with him more. So on Tuesday when he asked me if I was available spring break to do a house sitting job for friends of his, I was a little weirded out, but I figured he liked me enough to trust me for something like that. I said I'd have to see if I would be in town for break. Later that day, one of the Spanish speaking teachers from school called my house asking for Carlos and Belen, which are my parents. We gave the call to my dad. Strangely, though, they started talking about a Brenda. My dad quickly corrected them, saying he didn't have a Brenda. He then called me over and asked if I knew a Brenda Sandoval, and I told him she was my friend and I could give them her number. He gave me the phone, and when I was talking to the teacher, she mentioned that Dillahunt had asked her to speak to Brenda's parents, but must have gotten the number wrong. I accepted that and gave her the number. Later, I realized that just didn't make sense. How could he have gotten MY number and MY parents name....but wanted brenda!? So the next day I asked Brenda at school. She said that the teacher had talked to her mom, and her mom simply said that they had called to say that Brenda was doing very well at school. "I don't believe her though! They talked for like 15 minutes. I'm sure they said more!" Brenda said. We were both confused by the whole situation, so when we got to history we told Dillahunt about it. He had a completely confused look. "I have a student, in a completely other class, who's parents I asked Mrs. Lobos to call. But not either of you guys! That's strange," he said. We thought it was just a strange situation, but left it at that.
Brenda and I have leadership class together. Yesterday, while we were in there, Dillahunt walked in the last few minutes of class, and started talking to the class. He talked to us about the DC trips. (He is In charge of DC Mustangs, which is a group of students that sign up to go to Washington DC for spring break. The trip happens every two years and this spring break would be the tenth trip. I had wanted to sign up for it last year, but it was $2000 and I knew my senior year would be expensive. I didn't want to make my parents spend more. So I didn't sign up.) He just talked about how cool it was and started giving us numbers. "We do this trip every two years, and this year will be the tenth trip. Mrs. Skeen(our leadership teacher) will be going with us. And with this trip, we'll have taken 497 students to DC. However, i just don't really like that number, 497. It just an odd number, just kinda in the middle there. So I figured we should just make it a flat 500. With some special arrangements and some very generous donations from businesses in town, we can take 3 more students." I figured at this point he was going to say that there was now 3 open spots if any one was interested. But this is not what he said. "So can I get Brenda, Carmi, and Juan over here, because you guys are going to DC."
I...........words couldn't describe what I was at that moment. The three of us walked over to him, and he handed us a paper that we'd have to get signed. "This trip is all payed for you guys, it will cost you nothing other than than the money you'll spend if you want to buy things over there. We've already spoken to your parents and gotten the ok, so its all set. Your tickets will be bought today." None could say anything but Thank You and smile. I couldn't believe I was getting this. For the first time in a looooong time, I was getting teary eyed out of happiness.
As we went back to our desks, brenda turned to look at me and I'm sure the look on her face was the same the one on mine; pure shock. Just then the bell rang, we grabbed our stuff, and started walking to our next class....which actually happened to be history.
When we walked into class, Dillahunt was just walking around the room, and when he walked by us, he very casually said "Well hi guys! How are you today?" then have us a huge smile. We sat at our desks and he sat on his, which is right next to ours. "Sorry about all the confusion! But you guys started getting all private eye on me and asking about the calls, and I felt bad about having to lie straight to your face!" we just laughed, but now everything was making sense. The weird calls, the confusion, the house sitting!
The rest of the period, and passing in the halls, Brenda and I just looked at each, both knowing what the other was feeling. This morning , while I was working in the office, Mrs. Skeen walked in and gave me a huge smile. "has the shocked worn out yet?" she asked. "uh.... No. Not completely yet." I responded. And even now, about 36 hours later, the shock hasn't worn off yet. I can't believe I was given this opportunity. I mean, I get along with Mr. Dillahunt quite well, at least I believe I do. So does Brenda. And I guess it would make sense that we would be chosen....but still, just knowing that out of the hundreds of students in our school, I was good enough to given an opportunity like this!....it makes me feel like I am actually worth something....like I stand out from others. I don't know, it just....getting this means more than just getting lucky and getting to see a different place...it shows me that there are still people out there that see me as more than just another person walking this world. It's moments like these, this big or smaller, that just help me see greener grass. ❤
"But you know happiness can be found
even in the darkest of times,
when one only remembers
to turn on the light."
