Its simple really.

I gave in today. and i say "gave in" for lack of a better word. I sent Junior a friend request today. I know, "friend request" sounds so immature teenage drama. however, its not like that. For a lot of our friendship, we have been separated, literally. He was gone for about a year of our 2 year friendship in middle school, and more than a year of our year and a half current friendship. [if you are confused by this talk of split friendship, you may need to refer to a previous post about him!] So its been through Facebook and Myspace[yea, remember Myspace!?] that we prevented our strings from breaking...so to break that tie does actually mean something. and i know i said a month ago that i had deleted him and that i was done with it all, that by doing so and not talking to him, i'd be able to get over him...but today i realized i dont want to. I came to this realization as i stood in a hospital room listening to my family praying, as my uncle lay in a hospital bed crying...just a few hours before we found out he has to get open heart surgery. My uncle Neftaly is probly one of my favorite uncles. He is a serious person when he's at church or when it comes to serious matter, like his daughters' grades and choices...but for the most part he is a happy and really quite goofy person. I've seen him mad...not never furious or sad or anything like that. Last night, he woke up with chest pain, saying he couldnt feel his arm. My cousin Rut took him to the hospital here in town. After doctors checked him, they had that it appeared he'd had a minor heart attack within the last week. Immediately they rushed him to one of the bigger hospitals nearby. This morning my sisters and i went to go see him. For once in my whole life, i think, i didnt see that joy that usually sparkles in his eyes...there was a somberness in his face. My uncle Andres was also along with some other aunts and cousins, he suggested we say some prayers. So as my family said their prayers, I looked up and saw tears running from my uncle's eyes as he lay in the hospital bed. The moment i saw that, it was like instant freaking out in my mind! i heard bells and alarms going off in my mind! i dont know why my mind went into a frenzy like that, but it did...and suddenly everything thats been going on with me in the last year flashed through my mind...and suddenly i just felt that i couldnt give up junior. It's a simple realization, really. I realized that with or without junior, whether i talk to him or not, im going to be sad. The sadness is inevitable. and since thats the case, then i would rather go through it with him in my life. I love him, but if all he can ever be to me is a friend, then i'll take it. He means too much to me to just give him up like that. I cant live a life that he's not a part of, love or no love. So once we stopped praying, i stepped outside, took out my ipad, went on facebook, and sent a friend request. It hasnt been approved yet, which worries me a little because i know he's been on...but today i've also come to the conclusion that this world, and this life, is all God's creation, and it all works to His will. So all i really can do is wait, and see what God will give me. So i guess you can say its not exactly "giving in"...not sure what you can call it...but i dont think its that. "I can do all things through Christ, which strengthens me." -Philippians 4:13