Tomorrow I turn 18. A whole new chapter of my life is starting...and i've completely decided to change everything. I will no longer let all the crap from the past year, that had me almost in depression, affect me. I can't take it anymore.
My sister today told me that i should be able to tell her anything. She said that we were family and we should trust each other....unfortuantely she wasnt saying it make me feel better, or help me open up to her...she wanted to know the juicy gossip about one of my best friends, and why she'd gotten grounded. After i refused to tell her, she got angry, said that i needed to grow up. Really? A 24 year-old is trying to get in the high school/teen gossip, and she tells ME to grow up?! She is getting mad because i wont tell her something my friend told me in confidence?? IT'S CALLED LOYALTY, BITCH! SOMETHING YOU OBVIOUSLY DON'T KNOW!......sorry, just had to let that out. But honestly, if she wanted me to trust her, she should have given me the comfort to trust her a long time ago. She said that family should be the people that know you best...too bad she doesnt know that they are the ones that probly know me least.
I texted Junior today. the first in about a month, i believe. A month ago, i said i wouldnt do it again, i wouldnt keep chasing this dead end dream. But i gave myself one more chance. I texted a simple "Hey." A part of me wanted him to not reply, the other was anxiously waiting for it. He replied...the conversation lasted 8 messages...then my entire being wished he hadnt replied. But like i said, i gave myself one more chance...i let myself give into temptation onr last time. and now im done. i loved him as much as i could, for as long as i could, but Im tired of the heart ache...and i cant get rid of him if he's around. So in a few minutes, when im done writing this, im going to delete all the messages, his number from my phone, and his frienship from my facebook...and then tomorrow, a year older, i start over.
I let myself have one last good cry. I sat in the shower, crying out what i could. And now, I move forward. So a toast! To whomever, if anyone, is reading this, and just happen to be holding some kind of drink (im not, but in my mind i am!), raise your glass/cup/vessel! Here's to new beginnings!
"I turn the page, to a chapter
that they thought was just a phase,
but it consumed me."
